Introspection can be good for the soul but hell on the to do list, because while you are lost in pondering the mysteries of the universe and the inner workings of you clogged brain, deadlines come and go, important emails are missed and connections slip by with nary a flicker of your eye.
So today (15 May 2012) I have decided to give myself a bit of an accountability partner by actually blogging. This may seem trivial to most but as those nearest to be can tell you I am a hard nut to crack, a private person who share only the surface with the world. An introspective wanderer and deep thinker I sometimes get lost in my own mind and neglect to take action on important things. In my mind blogging is about sharing yourself with potentially the whole world, and I have an aversion to putting myself out there a la Carrie Bradshaw on a city bus. But I need to get out of my own head and into the world more.
So today is my first post. Bear with me if I ramble and take the long winding path to an unclear destination. The journey is more important than the destination and my destination is vary hazy at the moment. I can see some stops along the way (such as grad school, couple hood, mommy-dom, world traveler) but the final destination and even some of these stops on the life train is not clear and frankly that scares me.
It scares me like jumping off a 10 foot platform into the deep end of the pool. No matter how much I know that I will come right back up or that there are several life guards who are there to make sure I do I cannot take that first step forward. In training they tell you “look up, look down, look to the horizon and take a step,” and I never do until they tell me I have 30 seconds or I will not qualify for Combat Water Survival then I come off the platform like a demented flying squirrel.
That is how it all feels to me I am anxiously waiting for someone to count me down to failure before I take a step and I need to change that. It is no way to enjoy life journey always living in fear. So today I am looking up and down and at the horizon and taking a giant step for myself.
Hope you stay with me for the journey and chime in with your experiences.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. ~ 2Tim 1:7 (NKJV)