Decision making is an anxiety inducing event for me. Not little decisions like what to eat for dinner but the life changing sort. The ones’ that have you moving cities, states or countries; going back to school or not; committing to a job or waiting for a better one; making a decision one way or the other makes me anxious. Pull my hair out, crawl under the covers and stay all day, and driven to drink, anxious.
**Side note: Google doesn’t think people of color have anxiety attacks. See here.**
For some time now my mind has been in a whirl as to what my next step will be. Instead of enjoying my time in Barcelona and the opportunity to travel around Europe I have been fretting about what I should do next. But this is no surprise. It is part of my personality. I find it very difficult to just “go with the flow” to let the current take me where it will. I have visions of going off a cliff in a rickety rain barrel and being hurled against the rocks and battered by the spray. Yes, very detailed. I can be quite imaginative at times.
After making myself miserable for a while and letting that mindset color my trip to Oslo, I finally decided to head back across the pond. I had planned on staying a year and then deciding what to do when the year was up but as time passed the decision weighed heavily on me. After my Oslo trip I did the financial reckoning and realized that going home was going to happen sooner rather than later unless I added more classes to my schedule. This led to another decision. Instead of vacillating about adding classes or chasing down academies, I decided the current class load will have to do for now. This solidified my decision to leave and was the driving factor in me leaving earlier than originally planned.
Tell the world …
After these decisions were made, I went from heavily laden with stress and anxiety to a feeling of lightness. This wasn’t surprising but you can’t rush the process. Now that the decision is finalized, part of me is itching to get on the plane back to Brooklyn to start planning my next adventure.
… or just tell my Mama I’m Coming Home.
Do you struggle with making decisions? What strategies do you employ to combat decision-making anxiety?