Written Sunday, 16 December
This review is very late because I’ve been at turns lazy and absentminded. Ideally the monthly review of the previous month would be completed by the 7th of the current month, within the first week. Ideally. Alas, laziness and absent-mindedness are twin forces of evil, standing in my well thought out path. They are my own “Two Towers.” Moving on.
Last month I participated in BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) where the task was to post daily. I was more successful than not. I uploaded a post 24 out of 30 days in the month, a success rate of 80%. During the course of the month I kept beating up on myself for not posting daily and sometimes for the quality of the posts.I know I can do better with my editing as the typos I discover days later always slay me. But this about the journey not the destination. The exercise solidified for me my identity as a writer. I know I am not a novelist, looking to pen the “great American novel,” but I am an essayist, chronicling my observations of life and my journey. My hope is that in time my writing will address some serious topics that are dear to me such as Climate Change, (and if what if anything we can do to combat it), and sustainability (of food and energy resources). But that’s the long game.
The exercise of writing daily has taught me that I have to claim what I am. I have to own it and even if I don’t believe it whole heartedly I still say this is what I am. I struggle with saying I am a writer and look towards others to validate that part of me, but unless I claim it as so for myself it will not matter what anyone says.
November also taught me that the FEAR OF FAILURE is a debilitating thing. To be afraid of even trying something or applying for something I cannot describe the feeling, I have the words to convey the paralysis that comes with indecision. Fear of failure is a paralysis, followed by doubting. Or perhaps doubting of self leading to paralysis. Either way, its debilitating to the spirit.
Professionally I’ve discovered that though I like teaching, I prefer that my students are able to engage with me is discussion. A small but important discovery.
My word for the month of November was FOCUS. I focused on writing and researching the major I want to pursue when I go back to school.
On the travel front I went back to England after 5 years. I could not believe it has been that long but the 2-year-old is now 7 and there is a 4-year-old who didn’t exist when I last stepped food on Ingleterre. I wrote about my journey there on EasyJet and what I observed and discovered about myself while there. It’s all about the choices and once made do not look back at the what ifs.
For December I decided I would do my best to socialize more, especially with the natives (what’s the point of living in Barcelona if I only hang out with English speakers?). So the word for December is ENGAGE. So far I’ve been engaging.
I also need to finish the research for a school so I can start the new year sending out applications so that I can ENGAGE in my future.