As those around me are coupled up, de-coupled, re-coupled, engaged, married, divorced and remarried, I wonder, is it my turn yet?
I sometimes feel as if I’m forever on the sidelines of the of life changing heart bursts and heart breaks. My friends and associates seem to easily make these love connections yet I remain singularly single.
There are many reasons for this.
Firstly, I had to learn to pick better men, not just better men but better men for me. I bought into the fallacy that I should give a good man a try but that doesn’t always work if 1). there is no chemistry and 2) beyond the surface similarities you don’t have shared goals or aspirations.
Secondly, and this is something I still struggle with, learning to let go. Sometimes it’s easy to let go of the man but not of the dream that relationship represented. The fairy tale built up in your head of happily ever after. My last relationship was particularly difficult because the man talked about babies to me. Yes, babies before I even said I wanted babies! How did he know? In addition to accepting me in all my craziness he talked about us making beautiful babies together. After that I was gone, he had be hook, line and sinker. So when he realized it was all too much for him that I “didn’t need him” and turned and ran, I was still caught up in the fantasy of us. Of me and him and our beautiful babies, of a little girl with curls & determination like me and green eyes like him and a little boy with his smile & smarts and my sense of adventure . Even now some years down the road, the death of that dream make me sad just a teensy weensy bit.
Thirdly, sitting at home isn’t going to work if I hope to meet my mate. I should be out there meeting people and internet dating. But I need to give myself a break. I am in transition, left my old occupation (OORAH), moved across country and am planning to move out of the country for graduate school. My life is in flux and as a result, I feel off kilter and not able to bring much to the table. Yes, I know that is crazy talk right there, but changing the old way of thinking (bringing the same assets to the table as a man) will take some time. In the meantime dating is just not something I am comfortable doing.
So for now I will focus on the most important goal, getting into graduate school. Attend to one big thing at a time. And when the I’m so lonesome blues hit, …
… as they will, especially, when I hear about another person I know being “booed-up”, I will remember that there is a time for everything and season for every activity (Eccl. 3). In due time my Boaz will come and we will travel the world serving humanity and enjoying God’s creation.
What are your strategies for dealing with the lonesome “why isn’t it my turn yet? blues?
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ~ Eccl 3:1