Tag Archive | life challenge

No words

You may have noticed that, for months now I haven’t written anything. I can blame it on being busy with school and taking care of my nephew. While true, I could have taken the time to write something. I did try several times but I had not the words to describe what I was feeling and thinking. Even now writing this, I am struggling to convey what is going on in my head. I find the words to express my thoughts out of reach and when I find the words they are not right and I spend an inordinate amount of time rearranging them so they are just right.

I’ve been back from Barcelona for just over a year and in that time I’ve been going and going without stopping for self-reflection. At times when I do reflect, I actively shy away from delving deep as I am not ready or in a place to deal with further introspection.

On the way to Oslo

On the way to Oslo

Anyhoo, I decided to pop in and let you all know I’m still here, just have nothing to share, or rather an inability to articulate what is going on in my head and life at the moment. I’ll have some time this summer to hopefully focus, reflect and move forward. I don’t have my nephew (he’s back with my brother) or school (I dropped my classes) to use as an excuse. I do have my garden but it doesn’t take all day so I can’t really use that either.

Hope you all are well.


Fear of Failure

I’ve been grappling with the thought, the idea of failure. What does failure look like? How does it feel? Is it taking a step back, to the side, around the corner?

To identify failure one must decide what success looks like to you. How does it feel? Is it shiny & sparkly, freshly washed & scrubbed, laid out into the light of a lemony yellow sun? Is it placid like a deep lake in the depths of summer, with flies buzzing over the shimmering blue-green waters? In real terms, is it marriage & kids in the ‘burbs, or a corner office & pencil skirt suits or some defy juggling of the two? Or perhaps it’s a Bohemian existence travelling the world eking out a meagre living while soaking up the riches of the world one glass of wine or bottle of beer at a time? What if your desire for babies clashes with the Bohemian vision? Do you really want to mini 1&2 all over the world with no structure in their lives?

Let’s pause for moment & consider that the potential minis are not even a twinkle in your eyes. And the prospective Daddy for these offspring, he is not here. At least not yet. You hope. Take all those options add reaching for the brass ring of additional & advanced degrees to the mix tumble them around your head like a load of clothes in the wash. Does any of them make your heart sing, your eyes light, your toes tap? Which one resonates? What if none of them do? How do you then identify what success is to you?

Would would you attempt?

I know this post is riddled with questions. It is so because I’m riddled with them. Day in and out, so much that mind cannot rest. I’ve a lump in my throat that refuses to melt even with hot tea. Tears are just below the surface ready to erupt in frustration, anger, sadness, angst this feeling of not knowing.

I feel the anxiety building & the breathing exercises I learnt years ago are the only thing keeping me from loosing it. Friends say pray, but my prayers all end up being a litany of questions & queries. I wonder is God tired of me yet? I come back to the question what is failure? Am I a failure? I at times feel like I am but I cannot identify what success looks like for me so how can I say I have failed?

Then I think about all the little girls around the world and I sink deeper as I feel I squander the opportunities, the blessings the only dream about their day is consumed with fetching water or working a field under a blazing white sun or slaving in a sweat shop with chained doors.

I bemoan my inability to discover a path, to find a direction for my aimless wandering. To create a vision of success & walk, may race along the path towards that bright, shiny, soul satisfying venture.

Have you asked these questions (please tell me I’m not alone)? How do you silence the voices to get to what makes you smile & jump out of bed each day ready to face the world?

Lady Littlefoot

31 Day Reset – Day 31: Create a Vision Board

I made it, I made it. Woohoo! I ran the 31 Day Reset race, and though there were fits and starts, I finished the course. I am super de dooper excited about the discoveries I’ve made along the way about myself. Some were jaw dropping surprises, like wanting to touch a glacier and for my higher education pursuits to be heavily focused on science. The capstone of the reset was creating a Vision Board as a reminder of all your dreams and goals. You could go old school and build something out of a poster board with images cut out from magazines or drawn, or you could chose the electronic route. My life is one of constant movement and will be so for the likely future so I chose the online option.

Earlier in the year after I left San Diego and was twiddling my thumbs, I saw a You Tube video from the Passionista Abiola Abrams on creating a vision board. So I did. I used My Next Chapter Story Board from Oprah.com. It wasn’t bad but it was definitely lacking. It was sparse and I wasn’t connected to it. I used some of the images available from the site and they really didn’t resonate with me. And it was just plain difficult to do as I tried to figure out what I wanted on the board.

Original Vision Board

After all of the exercises I did during the 31 Day Reset it was much easier to do the vision board. I just opened my reset journal to my Reset 10 (which was fleshed out in Values in Action and Life Map). Whenever the site didn’t have a image that represented what I wanted I went to Pinterest (I have several boards or varying interests) and then to Google to collect the images I loved best.

For a refresher here is my Reset 10:
1. travel & adventure                    6. learning/education
2. love & marriage                        7. helping others/being of service
3. children                                    8. integrity & leadership
4. economic security                     9. stewardship of the earth
5. faith                                        10. healthful living

See if you can pick out the pictures that represent or allude to each item.

Vision Board Redux

If you have never done a vision board (also known as a dream board) perhaps it’s time to examine where your life is and whether your internal vision matches the external reality. If it doesn’t then it’s time to reset your life and envision the future you want. Let me know how it goes.

Lady Littlefoot

31 Day Reset – Day 23: Plan a Reset Project

What is this you say? Where is Day 22: Start a Side Hustle? I looked at it, read the description, read Rosetta’s journey taking her side hustle into a new career and decided to put this particular project on the back burner. Instead I will move ahead with Planning a Reset Project. Yes, it may be the easier task to take on because, well, I’ve already started it. The Reset Project requires that you choose one specific area from your previously created Life Map to make progress on within the next month. The areas identified in the life map are: Lifestyle, Work, Education, Finances, Health, Family and Relationships. Lets get started. Structuring the project was laid out in the assignment so it was very simple to fill in the blanks and answer the questions.

Reset Project Structure

Brief Description – What area of your life map will you work on? Be specific.
As I mentioned I already started on the life map area of Health.

Why the project selected? –  How will this project help you to get closer to your ideal life? 
I chose to focus on Health for my Reset Project because I had already started on this area and it was easier to continue on rather than focus on separate area. I initially got started on the area of health because I wanted to lose a few pounds and inches off of my waist as well as improve my overall physical fitness and endurance as well as just my health in general. I fee that a healthy mind and body makes it easier to pursue your dreams and passions. If you can get up in the morning and bound off to work or school your days is so much better. 

Goals & Results – What do you hope to achieve? How will you measure success?
My goals are simple, lose 10 pounds, and 3 – 4 inches on my midsection and get back to running 3 -6 miles a day. Improve my eating habits by being more vigilant about sweet and fatty treats and foods. I also hope to rid myself of some of my recurring pain with chiropractic care. Success will be measure by pounds and inches lost, strength, endurance and miles gained and reduction of recurring pain in my body.

Assistance Needed – What will you need to get your project completed or underway? How do you plan to get it?
I was able to get help in affording the gym by acquiring a deal from Living Social. I also procured another deal from GroupOn for a massage and chiropractic consultation. These were instrumental in getting me started back on my fitness and pain reduction goals. I know I need assistance in planning healthier meals so I’ve been consulting various fitness and food sites to get ideas and to check nutritional content of various foods. I’m also logging my meals and exercise online so I can see my caloric intake and expenditures.

Obstacles – What obstacles might you encounter and how do you plan to deal with them?
One obstacle that I have already encountered is injury. My dodgy right hip (more like hip flexor) is acting up again but I took a day off from my gym routine to rest it and apply some ice to the offending area. I have learned to rest my body when it tells me to and to take a break from exercise as needed to give my body a chance to recover. If I don’t an injury could side line me longer than a day or two of rest. Another obstacle to my health goals is expense of eating healthily. I went to the grocery store and spent nearly $100 on mostly fruits and vegetables and a little seafood. I am hoping this haul lasts about a week and half to two weeks. Now granted I share some of this with my aunt but she shares her pantry with me as well so it evens out.

Next Steps – What do you need to do now in order to see results in 30 days?
In order to see results in the next 30 days I have to stay committed to my gym classes, 6 days of the week, keeping my chiropractic appointments and making sure I get enough rest to allow my body to recover. I will also engage my accountability partner in my goals and will write another love letter to myself regarding this project.

Lady Littlefoot